• Ben M.

CATCH FLIGHTS, NOT FEELINGS!

Updated: Sep 18

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Windows down and sunroof open, barreling along I-17 North in my Chevy Z71 headed to the Grand Canyon, I felt this was the apex of happiness with someone. Victoria flew to Sky Harbor the night before from Ottawa, giving me great exhilaration in having her in my home and being able to pick her up at the airport. We met in Cozumel, Mexico and I was fascinated with her; she moved to Canada from Colombia at age six, fluent in English, Spanish and French, and absolutely gorgeous with typical very dark hair you find in Colombia. Little did I know I would be in for the one of the major heartbreaks of my life. Yes, this is sad, but this is regrettably my reality of love while traveling. A quick Google search reveals a multitude of people who met while traveling and ended up married. The positive of dating and romance while traveling, is that you encounter people you may not normally meet, due to age, location, or a host of other circumstances. I started my first serious travels twenty years ago, traveled for a year in 2017, and now travel full-time. I have taken at least one long trip every year since 2o13 though. In this blog post I will invite you to meet two women that I met while traveling, grew feelings for, and had the connection fail. I will use their real first name and some facts about our interactions, but no truly identifying information. I will not use the year it occurred either, as it is immaterial.


Back to being enamored with Victoria. Between the times I saw her, she was a student at a university in the Quebec Province. When I met her, I knew she did cocaine recreationally; when I started traveling, I discovered it is far more popular than I ever imagined, although I don’t do it. When we first met, she said she did it every few weeks, of course that magically turned into every couple days which I should have foreseen. That’s the danger though of intoxicating love, it makes you miss things you normally would hammer like a tack. While we were traveling in a Caribbean country, I bought her diamond earrings and a diamond necklace, not very excessive, $2500. Time apart tended to have a deleterious effect on our communication and one day she told me that she had them the diamonds in her purse at her server job and someone stole them. One, who would keep diamonds at work; clearly, she probably traded them for coke. That was the end, breaking irretrievably as quickly as it had started. While this is a brief version of events, my feelings for her were such, that it drove me into a deep depression. Looking back, I should have seen a therapist probably; I already liked to party at that time, and this pushed me to full on raging alcoholism with suicidal tendencies. Still today, I remember the good parts, her and running her nails across the back of my head while driving to the Grand Canyon, hotel rooms at all inclusives and taking photos of her at the pool. I’m sure many readers ask if I regret it these days and my answer is, I’m not sure. Everybody has difficulties they have to get past. That brings us to Abby.



I met Abby in Bali, she was twenty-three and a teacher from Singapore. Even though it was nighttime when we met, we talked for hours about places I had been and where she also traveled. We traversed Bali extensively, staying in Uluwatu, Kuta, and Ubud. Eventually, we took a five hour journey to climb the Ijen Volcano together on one of our last nights in Ubud. We also spent a lot of time in Bali looking at lingerie, getting massages, and taking bubble baths. Abby got her hair dyed but I can’t post it because I don’t want to show her face. After Bali, we flew to Singapore, and she was home for a couple days with her work at a private school, while I did some administrative tasks at the Sheraton Airport. We decided to go to Thailand and stayed at a magnificent place called the Nai Yang Marriott outside Phuket, a beautiful property. Time with her was amazing and difficult at the same time. She was very sharp and maintained a dry wit; she was very salty though on relationships after dating a man for five years and then three women in short succession. We traveled together quite a bit, and our last trip was Christmas to Japan. This was closer to a relationship than Victoria and I loved Abby differently. I spent a lot of time getting to know her, so I guess you could say less lust, more love. Our last trip was Christmas to Japan, we visited Osaka, Hakuba, and Nagano. We visited Osaka Castle, saw the snow monkeys at the Snow Monkey Park, and Abby saw snow for the first time. At the end of the trip, we took the Shinkansen (the bullet train so to speak) from Nagano to Narita Airport in Tokyo. We had to go our separate ways at the terminals and departed. I spent another night in Tokyo, as my flight to Los Angeles on Air China left the next day. I never received another message from her, just completely ghosted. Being ghosted after a few months spent together caused a whole new range of emotions. Anger, confusion, wtf?ness? You try to figure out if you did something wrong, but you also try to empathize with your own emotions. I believe for a guy, I have a lot of traits that are alpha male, but I also am pretty sensitive. I sent her a couple whats apps and a couple emails, then I was in Central America. I didn’t process those emotions well and proceeded to work the beverage package on the cruise ship like its never been worked before. I then tried to personally remove all alcohol from Cartagena and Medellin, which resulted in a girl trying to rob me in Cartagena, that probably should be the next blog. According to Eleanor Roosevelt, “and the purpose of life, after all, is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” I have to say I agree fully. While it was very difficult climbing out of these holes, I continued traveling. After Abby I went to Central America and saw the Panama Canal, then moved onto South America. I spent four months and met other women; there is no shortage of those in this great planet of ours, but it is difficult to remember sometimes, when your heart gains control of your mind and your actions. Here is a link about Ijen Volcano if you are curious; https://www.nationalgeographic.com/news/2014/1/140130-kawah-ijen-blue-flame-volcanoes-sulfur-indonesia-pictures/

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